Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Green mimosas i think yes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
