At least make sure they are 18
Why
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
