dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
