i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
