I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
