just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
