the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
