That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm always down for nudity.
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