you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
