Banned from zoo.
Again?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
