We're facebook friends in real life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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