Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
