nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
