Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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