exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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