Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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