i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
