nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woke up backwards on a recliner
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
