Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
