Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
