Jerry, you need to find god
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
