where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
