I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
