Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
