i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
