Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
