I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
