Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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