I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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