My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
