Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
