Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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