so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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