What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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