I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
True college students do jello shots in the library
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize