I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize