I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
