Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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