I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We had to coat check the pizza.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Randomize
