I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
