Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
