Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just had sex bonerless
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
