farters have to be the big spoon...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
