32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
