Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
