Cold hands, warm shart.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
