sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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