boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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