i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
