I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
