he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
