Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
