im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
