i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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