i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
