I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
