Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
