I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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