Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
