is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
