nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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