What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
