I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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