'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he told me I talked like a deaf person
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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