Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
