Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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