i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
whose parrot is this?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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