2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Randomize
