her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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