I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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