He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize