bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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