It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
